User blog:Tsurime/Review: Yoshio Makai
Wow, it's been a while since I did one of my reviews! Shortly after this, we'll be reviewing another one of his OCs, Yoshihara Arata, so stay tuned for that! This character is pretty good. He hasn't completely stunned me with its excellence, but hopefully this review will help improve him! Now, onto the review. I see no problems with the infobox. Good job! Although, wouldn't he be more attracted to cold people? Because not only would he relate to them, warm people would probably annoy him, considering his personality. But hey, I'm a massive introvert and most of my real life friends are extroverts, so it works. Yoshio Makai, originally Yoshio Higurshi, is an OC owned by Gamesee. Please do not use him in anything without Gamesee's permission. Appearance \Yoshio attempts to be very neat appearance wise, and sometimes even combs his fingers through his short, dark, brown hair to keep it neat. In the picture he has black hair, but I do remember him having brown hair at one point in the past. This is probably a simple mistake. There is always one strand of hair that sticks out however, to Yoshio's displeasure. A bit cliche, but I do like it. It gives Yoshio's design a distinctive silouhette. Good job. He is tall standing at 5'11 (191 cm) and he weighs about 141 lbs (63 kg.) His skin is an average white skin tone, although it would be tanner if he spend more time outside. His hooded eyes are a blue-grey, and his features are somewhat rounded and medium sized. I quite like his design, especially the ahoge. The only problem is that in my opinion he looks rather plain, what with the black, straight hair and gray eyes. I suggest you give him a bit of color, but only dark and monotone colors, such as a navy or deep purple. Personality Yoshio is a huge loner, and only has a few friends as of now. It isn't that he is pessimistic, it is more that he finds talking exhausting and not worth it. When talking he tends to try to make the conversation go to a halt in the most polite way possible, and sometimes succeeds in this. He can also be blunt and a tad dense when it comes to things not involving magic, making awkward conversations. For example, he has zero idea what sex is and thinks that it is an "adult Lego" called segs. You should probably add the fact this is his mother's fault. To add to this Yoshio has no problem in lying for his own gain, and will do it if needed. He often does this to get information, and usually gets away with it. In addition he doesn't truly care about his own and to an extent other's safety, getting himself (mainly) hurt often. This condradicts a little. He should probably be more concerned about his safety than others', if he dislikes socialization and people so much. He just seems like the type of person to keep to himself. His personality is noncontradictory, but a tiny bit plain, in my opinion. So, he's basically a guy who likes magic and is antisocial and lies. That's really all I got from that. What I normally do is gather about 5 noncontradictory personality traits and write one paragraph for each, elaborating on every trait. Perhaps you should add some more traits to his personality. Also, here's a tip for anyone with an Occult Club member or any character in general who likes magic. As you may know, I am pagan and I guess I could be considered a real "witch". The close friends I tell in real life usually are *ssholes and make horrible jokes about me practicing black magic or placing curses on people. So, this might be a pretty cool trait to add to an OC associated with the occult! Now, this isn't just a tip for Gamesee, but an idea everyone can use. Statistics 0-10, 0 being impossibly horrible, 5 being average and 10 being inhumanely excellent. Attributes Physical * Strength - '''2 * '''Dexterity - '''4 * '''Stamina - '''3 Social * '''Charisma '- '''4 * '''Manipulation' '- '''4 * '''Appearance - '''6 Mental * '''Perception - '''3 * '''Intelligence - '''8 * '''Wits - '''2 ''His stats are perfect, none too overpowered, good job! Abilities Magic Yoshio is basically only good at magic, and is very proficient at it. I have a few questions. How is he good at magic, is it part of a religion? Are they magic tricks? If it's a special thing, it should go in "Powers and Mutations". You should elaborate a bit more on this. Preferred Weapon Magic, isn't it obvious? Skills * 'Animals - '''5 * '''Crafts - '''5 * '''Drive - '''2 * '''Etiquette - '''8 * '''Firearms - '''1 * '''Larceny - '''2 * '''Melee - '''0 * '''Performance - '''2 * '''Stealth - '''3 * '''Survival - '''5 * '''Swimming - '''5 * '''Kawaiiness - '''1 Knowledges * '''Academics - '''8 * '''Computer - '''5 * '''Finance - '''5 * '''Investigation - '''0 * '''Law - '''2 * '''Medicine - '''6 * '''Occult - '''10 * '''Science - '''4 * '''Cooking - '''3 ''His stats are alright, they aren't really overpowered at all. Powers and Mutations Plant Manipulation Since Yoshio is trying to learn more about the "life" side of magic, he is starting at plants. He can make plants grow and twist around someone if wanted, although he can't do much else. Seems fine. I imagine that controlling a thorny plant would be a good way to kill someone. Hehe... Short-Distance Teleportation Although exhausting for Yoshio, he can teleport from room to room if needed. He is learning how to do building to building as of now, and is close to being able to do it. Alright, alright, I like the fact you added it was exhausting. Possessions Various Occult Books Yoshio owns at least 6 books about the occult and reads them often. Some he has reread about 8 times. Laptop For research and information storage, he has a small, black laptop. Seems fine. Backstory Yoshio's soul is not a human soul, but rather a kitsune's soul. Ah, so that explains why he has powers! It is unknown what Yoshio's life was like as a kitsune, since he doesn't remember. But his body was initially a stillborn due to the drugs his dad took, and he possessed it I'm already a bit confused. What is "it"? I had to read this a few times in order to understand. Could you rephrase it in a way that is less confusing? for unknown reasons. Amaya was happy at this moment on November 18th since she was convinced that it was her fault her baby died. It is unknown who Yoshio's biological father is, but Amaya mentions that he is in jail. From a young age Yoshio had a fascination with the occult, and Amaya encouraged this hobby since he never got hurt from his interests. He spent most of his time studying while Amaya was working and shopping, eventually learning minor biomancy and telelportation. When he turned 12 he enrolled into Hatsuharu due to his good grades, and began experimenting with the more dangerous side of the occult with his mom gone. The backstory is great. It tells why he has magical abilities, explains partially why he has no father, and it is consistent and flows in general. Minus the kitsune thing, it's also realistic. I would, however, give him some fire powers since he is a kitsune. Trivia * Yoshio was born on November 18th, also known as Occult Day. * Yoshio has never been in or considered a relationship. * Yoshio has a tortoiseshell named Biba at home, who he loves spending time with when visiting. * Yoshio has no idea about sex, and thinks the word is "segs," a special kind of Lego. * Yoshio refers to himself with "wagahai." ** It is unknown where he picked this up since this is a very old-fashioned way of saying "I." Well, Yoshio isn't bad! In fact, he is a very good OC! There are ways that he can be improved, namely his design and to an extent his personality, but the rest is great. Great job! Soon I will review another OC by the same creator, Yoshihara Arata, so be on the lookout for that. Category:Blog posts